I want to be the calm little center of the world

I am so tired of being undisciplined and lazy; succumbing to the slightest urge or fancy. I want to choose deliberately, and have my life dictated by choice and not circumstance. I know i have come light-years from my days of incorrigible, weak self destructiveness, but i am not quite 100%. I feel more like 73%.

So, what am i talking about? Well, i simply want to wake up without a desire to keep lying there, as if sleeping was somehow better than being awake. (that's a stretch i know, and sleep is wonderful and necessary, but what is this urge to sleep days away sometimes??) I want to avoid an inner struggle to go work out or eat that bag of potato chips. Instead of trying to move away from things that may seem unpleasant or undesirable. I want to gravitate towards things that may be difficult. (as Kobe Bryant would say, "it's an opportunity")

In Zen Buddhism we all have what is called dukkha, which is the tendency to avoid, or move away from how things really are. For example, if you have a backache the solution is to take aspirin and bitch about the pain. The Buddhist would suggest embracing that pain, by first recognizing it for what it is, second be present with it, and lastly embracing it. Many times you will see the pain dissipate within seconds…

This seems rather esoteric or overly unrealistic, but i have noticed that this kind of thought works in many facets of life. It seems that this kind of "normal" behavior is in a sense the whole grieving cycle played over and over in our daily lives- which couldn't be exactly healthy could it? We deny anything uncomfortable. We all know the first step to recovery is to recognize the problem, and then you can be present with it instead of grasping for another reality that you think should exist. We see this in so many areas in life. When you have difficulty falling asleep, you are usually fretting and becoming more anxious by the minute and thus making it impossible for you to fall asleep, but if you surrender to it, and stop fighting it, chances are you will be asleep within minutes. Or a cramp in your foot…when you stop fighting it, it usually goes away…

In a Buddhist sense, the suffering in the world is usually a product of wanting things to be different from what they are, thus enhancing the suffering already present. So what am i saying? I don't know really…i just wish i could let go more, instead of fighting stuff all the time. So, i don't know…sorry went off on a lot of tangents…but seriously, next time you have pain or something, try being still with it for a moment…something might happen. 🙂


One thought on “I want to be the calm little center of the world

  1. Steph/parks says:

    beautiful, i agree…i have more to say about this later! only one problem: kobe bryant. he can’t be quoted in something so insightful and interesting! 🙂

    we can work out together when you move! flip and i are on day four of the TEN DAY CHALLENGE

  2. Cauri says:

    Great post. I just wanted to say that i can relate. Some days it is SO hard to pull myself out of bed…i started setting my alarm for very early, because i’ll keep snoozing it for an hour or two! And I’d never heard about buddhists embracing pain in that way. I’ll have to try that next time i have a headache.

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